Thursday, September 20, 2007

First Shift, Late Night

Winston Churchill, the Social One, first greeter at the door.

So, I just got home, this morning, from my first "official shift" at ECMC.  I am scheduled for 4 days of nights, and if you've ever worked the night shift, you know the first day is a beast.  Your body is all out of sync.  You're tired, sleepy and grumpy even if you did manage to get a nap in the day before.  I loaded up on caffeine and sugar, courtesy of a Dunkin Donuts Vanilla Coolata which I picked up on my way in.  The buzz kept me going until around 3 in the morning when I finally hit the wall.  Then the barrage of patients kept me going until the end of shift at 7 this morning.

Just some thoughts on last night...

If you're going to start smoking... 7 is a good age to start.  Just start sneakin' em on the back porch of your grannies house with your school mates.  Keep up the habit until you're, oh say, 67.  Add "a couple of 40's" daily to that around your mid 50's and don't see a doctor despite knowing you have high blood pressure.  Come into the E.D. just about the time your blood pressure is 208/100 (btw: normal standard is about 120/60), and you're having problems standing up.  That should be just about right.

The old adage carries true even in Buffalo:  if a young male comes in beaten up, "Two Dudes" did it.  "Just mindin' my own bizness, doc, and these Two Dudes jumped outta their truck and beat on me."  There's a roving pair of hoodlums running rampant in every city in this country.  They're just Two Dudes looking to make some mischief.

If you're going to drink and drive, drink A LOT and you won't get hurt.  Drive that blood alcohol level to 0.446.  That's right, really high.  The legal drinking limit is 0.08 in most states.  For most people, 0.400 has them comatose.  Of course, you also have to remember to not wear your seatbelt and deactivate your airbags.  That way, when you ram head-on into that telephone pole and break the windshield, your body will be just loose enough to not sustain any injuries.  Well, ok, maybe a little injury like a slightly herniated disc in your neck.  No major structures around there anyway.  Nah, no problem.

When you're in the ED and you're asked if you have any medical conditions that might affect your care, say oh, if you're about to be zapped by a gazillion rads of energy from the CT scanner, please say you're pregnant.  That might affect how we manage your care.  Yeah.  That's right.  Just a little thing to remember.

When you're being sedated before a painful procedure, like setting a broken wrist, think of something pleasant and you'll remember that when you wake up.  I told my 15 year old male patient to think of somewhere fun and warm, when he woke up he told me he dreamt of candy and his bed at home.  Happy thoughts!

And, finally... didn't I mention I hate gyn exams... 'nuff said.

1 comment:

neecoaljay said...


That was hilarious!

Miss you,