Surprisingly... not too bad. One of the best shifts so far in terms of not being completely overwhelmed and feeling like I could spend some time really focusing on patient care... not that watching drunks "sleep it off" is very challenging, but there's always something that can be learned from each patient.
Such as:
- if you're going to take a bunch of muscle relaxers and some benzo's (anti-anxiety meds) to start off your weekend, you really shouldn't drive too soon after taking them. If you think "they're not going to hit until I get home," think again. They're going to hit while you're driving home. Maybe stopping at the McDonald's to get that Big Mac won't help, because that just means you took them on an empty stomach, and they're going to work just that much sooner. And, if you're high on this combination and decide to eat that Big Mac while driving you just might end up hitting several cars causing a chain reaction that results in not just you coming to the E.D. but 4 other people coming to the E.D. too. And, I won't feel bad that you, darn-it, starred the window of your Bronco because in some ways you're like the drunk driver. The more intoxicated you are, the less damage you'll do to yourself. No stitches for you. Can't say the same for the rest of the carnage you left behind.
- if you think that banging your head in your holding cell while you're in hand cuffs for public intoxication and causing a laceration is going to get you out of jail, it will. But just long enough for me to put 5 stitches in your head so the nice officers can take you right back to jail. And, I did learn a lot about the officers that brought you in as they started comparing scars while I sewed up your newest one.
- the LOLNAD and gomere rule still applies, get directly admitted, do not pass go, do not collect $200.
- it's O.K. to come to the E.D. with hemorrhoids. We won't laugh. It's better than coming in with a foreign body up there that we have to fish out, pry out, um, get out as best as we can. Just remember: fiber in the diet is good thing.
- A B-52 in the E.D. is NOT a fun drink nor an 80's band. It's a mix of Benadryl, Haldol and Ativan (50mg/5mg/2mg) that is going to make you sleep for a very, very long time. When you wake up, you'll no longer be the obnoxious and boisterous 17 year old who is totally drunk, you'll be the obnoxious and boisterous 17 year old in the psych holding facility because you've been off your meds and started physically abusing your mother and sister. However, don't worry. When you tell your mother, "I promise I'll be a good boy this time, really, I promise" she'll spring you free, again. Because she just can't stand to see her baby crying and upset. Provided she's been taking her own psych meds and can handle you coming back home that is.
- Pelvics are no fun for anyone. I'll make you a deal: you stop having sex and I'll stop doing pelvics. Deal? Anyone?
- Guys walking to/from their gramma's (or church) are gonna get shot. Every time. "Two Dudes" are just waitin' to do it. You walkin', they watchin' and someone's gonna get shot. In this case, in one leg and out, then in the other leg and almost out. You can feel it just under the skin. That's going to be with you probably for the rest of your life. Yep. We don't take them out. They stay with you forever. Just a little souvenir.
- Inmates (we see a lot of them) are hard to do physical exams on. For the most part they have wrist, waist and ankle shackles. And the CO's (correction officers) don't like to take them off unless they have to, which, come on, you're bringing in a patient for a medical evaluation. They should be just like everyone else. Strip down to your skivvies, put on a hospital gown, handcuff them to the bed and let us do our job. Now, I do realize that some inmates might be dangerous, and it's a matter of safety, but most of the prisoners I see come in could probably outrun their CO's even in ankle shackles or they're so debilitated that the weight of the shackles probably isn't helping their medical condition any.
That's about it for my night... nap time and back again tonight... we'll see what the next shift has in store.
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1 comment:
Funny Veronica! Keep them coming!
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